As the holidays approach, I wish you (and your loved ones) nothing but a wonderful time together and cheers to even greater success in the new year. I chose “Obsess Over the Right Things” to unlock, because it is a peek behind the curtain that has the potential to change the way you operate in the year ahead—bigger, better, and more powerfully. Let’s do this. If not now, then when?
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The most efficient person I ever met was a CEO who ran the company (and much of her life) like a well-oiled machine, but how she directed her energy caught my attention. Her focus was masterful but unforced; she drove results with confidence, and she achieved incredible success. As we discussed an upcoming product rollout, she was relaxed and self-assured.
“You have to obsess over the right things,” she said casually. “Everything else will fall into place.”
Top-tier CEOs can easily command 8 figures a year, and obsession is table stakes…but this is true for operating at the highest levels in any field you choose. In sports, in your industry, in your position, you’ll see those with a passing interest fade away while the obsessed rise. At the top, no one else but the obsessed remain.
If you sharpen your focus a little bit more and look again, however, it isn’t just obsession—it’s obsessing over the right things that gets them there.
Here are some common markers of unfocused obsession:
1) A packed calendar with no room to breathe.
This person is often trying desperately to “do it all.” They have obsession that is broad, scattered, and unfocused. They may have their hands in everything in the business; they take on too much, and they genuinely want to be involved…in all of it. Unfocused obsession makes everything feel equally important, and it pulls people in a thousand directions.
2) Clear neglect in important parts of your life, like your relationships, fitness, or diet.
This person often allows an obsession in one area to overshadow other important areas of their life. The risk? Losing those areas. Your relationships, your health, all of it. There’s a reason you see so many divorces on the way up and many people who get fit *after* their companies are solid and successful. Obsession with one can drown the others.
3) Underdeveloped or problematic company/career areas (all while you are in those back-to-back meetings)
If you love it all, you spread yourself too thin. This leaves gaps of neglect that make the business worse. You miss the ability to pay attention to the details that truly could have used that energy and focus. You are one human being - you’ve got to channel this obsession into what matters most, or things start falling apart.
If your work, company, or life isn’t moving in the direction you wish, it’s because you are obsessing over the wrong things.
Your calendar, what you do, and how you use your time will all be guided by what you obsess over. Don’t like your income, your career, your schedule, or your relationships? Examine what you are obsessing over.
Many of my biggest clients aren’t on social media at all. They don’t care about vanity metrics, how many followers they have, or even what the press has to say about them. They are more obsessed with big moves and the details of their work that make a difference, not how many likes they get on a post. The CEO in the example above was very specific in the things she cared deeply about, had a solid bench of great talent she trusted, and created space for the things that mattered to her—in business and in her larger world.
Being obsessed makes you unbalanced, but it doesn’t have to tear your life apart.
The Work: A Cost-Benefit Analysis of Obsession
My assumptions, if you are reading this newsletter, are that:
You have a bit of an obsessive edge, and
You want to rise, be the best, or at least far better in what you do & who you are
If these two things are true, let’s run your obsession through a matrix:
→ Start by identifying your top 3 obsessions/priorities right now in your business and/or life. Get hyperspecific, and make it measurable. (ex: not “grow revenue” but “grow revenue by $XXX,XXX/month,” not “get fit” but “run a 5K by Feb”)
→ What are the costs and benefits of each? Be brutally honest with yourself, and list them all.
→ Checkpoint: Are these really the things that matter to you? Do you need to refine them further? Make sure you’re not choosing something too broad or taking on too much - remember that staying focused wins the day. If you’re satisfied, proceed to the next step. If not, refine as needed.
→ What are your options at this stage of your obsession? Let’s narrow it down to the 3 “Next Right Moves” as you see them that would move the needle in these areas. Think of specific, actionable steps that you can take in the next few days and/or weeks.
→ What are the additional impacts of these Next Right Moves? Look at both your business/career *and* your personal life. If you get to the other side, what will the outcomes be on things like your health, relationships, etc? Are those outcomes worth it?
Once you’ve moved through this entire exercise, you should begin to get a clear picture of how to move ahead. Make adjustments as needed to ensure that your actions align with your obsessions *and* that you’re prepared for all potential outcomes. If you need to establish guardrails—reigning in your obsession in one area to prevent a negative impact on your family life, for instance—it’s better to do it now versus later.
Your Gift Can Exploit You: Pay Attention.
Obsession is a gift. It will provide laser focus and allow you energy that others simply do not have…but its primary area of derailment is always your personal weakness.
The cautionary tales of misguided obsession are legion. Tiger Woods, Ronda Rousey, Elizabeth Holmes, Bernie Madoff…even the most obsessed and talented people can get derailed. They stopped obsessing over the right things and instead became obsessed with something that completely erased the magic of their craft.
Know your weaknesses and be honest about them because obsession will find them if you don’t.
Obsessed people are drawn to things that are all-consuming and immersive - which can work for you or against you. If you look at every name on the list of cautionary tales above, you’ll see very clearly what their personal weaknesses were and how an initial obsession with their craft became derailed. If you can hit these areas early and develop an awareness of them, you’ll prevent a lot of problems down the road.
What turns your head and catches your eye?
If you deeply crave power, flattery, fame/popularity, female/male attention, or are easily impressed with large sums of money—all of these are potential problems that can knock you off course in the future.
You want it all? You can’t have it.
Everyone hates hearing the word “no,” but you’re going to have to say it—and say it a lot. You will also have to deny yourself a lot of things you want to be involved with for the larger goal.
That’s the hardest part. Once you reach a certain level, no one will say “no” to you. You can be a part of what you want and do what you want. You’ll have to deny *yourself* and channel this beast you’ve got inside to push things forward strategically.
Obsession requires tradeoffs, and you have to have really strict priorities to pull it off. You know that CEO who wasn’t worried about the big product rollout? She says “no” all the time, she delegates, she isn’t in everything—even if she wishes she was. She makes hard decisions on what moves the business, what things she can have the most impact on, and she goes all-in.
This has meant saying no to vanity projects, interviews, and even some hobbies. But does she make bank, have room for some fitness, and still have a solid marriage? She does. That’s what matters to her.
The key here is to remember that every “yes” to one thing is a “no” to everything else.
By digging into the right things, you have permission to say no to the other things that aren’t that. This allows you to free space, to have a calendar that reflects your true priorities, and to focus in and drive your life forward—and enable your obsession to really have teeth.
What matters to you? How do you channel your obsession to get more of what you want and still fulfill that need you have to really run hard?
Don’t fall into the common request to “not be so obsessed.” If you push it down, it’s a soul killer—please don’t do that. You will resent whoever you’re doing it for. You will end up resenting yourself. Just channel it right.
Focused Obsession Beats Discipline
People can push themselves relentlessly. They grind it out. Do you have to do these things? At some points, yes, you probably do…but playing the long game requires more than push; it requires pull. You can only push so much. It’s not long-term efficient.
Push should be used strategically because it kills energy long-term.
People will spend years feeling exhausted and pushing, but if you ever talk to someone who is obsessed? They will go down rabbit holes and stay there for hours willingly and be energized by it. They aren’t pushing, they are pulled—compelled. It is often hard for them to pull themselves away. It’s hard to beat that kind of energy. You can’t force it, and you also can’t compete with it.
Discipline is a forced push; obsession drives a natural pull.
Use discipline when you need it, but set your life up to need it sparingly.
If you want to predict success in someone sticking to anything, find something they are obsessed with because the drive is natural. You just have to put guardrails around it so it goes where you need it to go. Not too broad ( where you are in every aspect and unfocused) and not easily misguided by your own internal weaknesses (flattery, ego, etc).
Don’t pull away from the obsession, set up your guardrails, establish your priorities, and your life to bring out the best of it.
For this week’s challenge, you’ll want to start by moving through the Cost-Benefit Analysis of Obsession mentioned above (you can download a printable PDF version of the exercise below). After you’ve completed the process, it’s time to make some adjustments.
The goal here is to make your calendar reflect the true areas of impact in your career or work. There are probably a lot of areas of waste right now, and we want to narrow it down so you can obsess over the right things—things that will actually move you forward.
Step #1: Shave Your Calendar & Focus Your Obsession.
Take a look at your calendar, say “no,” and do some shaving. Create space for your obsession to actually work for you and push things ahead by integrating your “3 Next Right Moves” from the matrix and building in the tasks that move these forward.
Cut at least 10% of meetings/engagements for the coming week that land outside of those areas. Make more aggressive cuts if you can.
Actively pull yourself out of some things. Delegate, outsource, delegate. Set up people to take the wheel and win. Trust your team if you have a good one. This will be hard…remember that part of saying “no” is also saying no to your own inclination to have your hands in too many things.
Do what you need to do to stay in the loop with solid feedback systems. Get meeting notes forwarded to you and make sure touch points (like solid 1:1xs) are in place.
Strongly prioritize your own involvement to be focused.
Your calendar should reflect this focus when you look at it. People should be able to say, “I can tell what they care about by where they are spending their time.”
Step #2: Preservation Through Obsession.
Protecting the downside is an important part of being able to go all-in. This section is a bit of a forcing function to preserve your home life, health, or other areas that tend to fall by the wayside while you are elbows deep in what you do every day. These are the things that fall down, and many end up realizing it too late.
What are the areas you want to protect through your obsession? (ex: health, relationships, etc).
What is one small thing you can do every day to touch these areas? (ex: sending your spouse a quick text every day at lunch, building in some walking meetings, paying for a healthy lunch delivery service, trying the “couch to 5k” fitness app, or being sure to call your kids every night before they go to bed if you’re usually still working).
Be intentional and build the good stuff in so you don’t lose it. There’s nothing more tragic than an incredible exit while losing everything else you valued along the way because you weren’t paying attention or took them for granted.
I’d love to hear more about your obsession and the changes you’re kicking off to focus it for even better outcomes in your business and your life. Let’s go!
Obsessing isn’t about doing more, it’s about caring deeply about the right things and letting everything else fade into the background. When your energy is channeled intentionally, both your work and your life start moving forward in ways that actually matter.
Another banger by Dr. Julie. Just in time for the new year to tweak some things in my life.